I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
