I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Randomize
