he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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