i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
