New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
