Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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