She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
