I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
