and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
