I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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