i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
