she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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