O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
