i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
