Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
