Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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