Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
