I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
