why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
