Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
