didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
