woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
