his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is the high leading the old right now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
