I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
