its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
