fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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