Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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