they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
