Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
