His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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