It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
