How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
