everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
