I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
