We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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