I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
