she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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