Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
