so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
