FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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