I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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