dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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