how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
