I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Please, let me fuck your mom
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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