Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
