And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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