Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
