did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
