i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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