hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
