He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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