Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
