found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
