My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
