i just sent this text using only my big toe
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
