I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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